The Palm Pre Comes With An Actual Mirror

Complete with greasy fingerprints, too.

This is the kind of thing that is likely to get axed in the final version, not because it's a bad idea - No, it's an AMAZINGLY FANTASTIC idea - but simply because it's an extra component and drives up the cost by that little bit more.  Palm's smart to add the Sprint logo to it, even if it only increases the likelihood that the mirror will remain.

This is smart, obliterate-the-box thinking.  On every other device that area is completely unused, but Palm, clever as they are, found a great, simple, obvious use for it.

Here is an essay that I wrote for my College Writing II course back in the summer of 2004 that I ultimately failed. This was the spark that got me to Mass Rehab that got my ADD diagnosed and got the ball rolling that led me to my shrink, medication and then back to school. That I'm not in school at the moment is its own issue.

This essay bounces around a bit chronologically because I was keeping, too strictly, it turned out, to the five questions Professor Mason gave us to work from: Explain what led to my decision to pursue a college education, explain why I chose Bunker Hill Community College as my initial step toward a college degree, explore and explain the various courses I have taken, or courses that I am interested in, briefly explain my personal methods of study and examine how my life outside of the college affects my academic pursuits, discuss my future plans and ultimate goals.

I only list the questions to explain why time shifts around. You can probably find where my answer to each question begins if you're bored. I don't think I've edited anything from the original document. If it turns out I did I'll delete this and the previous sentence and deny I ever wrote them.

Me, I Think

My life has been a disappointment to my friends and family, I’m sure, but mostly to myself. I’m 31 years old, still living with my folks with no solid plans for my future. I’m smart and creative, but I can’t seem to get any where. I believe my problems stem from Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, which I was thought to have a mild case of when I was twelve. Treatment brought results, but was not continued, and I struggled through high school, my first college attempt, and life in general.

I have never really stuck with any thing long enough to get good at it. Coming out of high school I was into music and I played the drums. Then I wanted to design things and I attended a school for Drafting. Then it was Acting and I joined the Theatre program at Bunker Hill. Then it was Web Design and I taught myself HTML. Then it was back to drums and I took more lessons. Then I was thinking of Graphic Design and researched several programs, but couldn’t get financing. Then I sold my drums, wanting to write songs, and bought a multi-track recorder and a few guitars. Then wanted to learn Screenwriting and bought a few books and took a few courses. Then I stopped. I jumped into things hard and would hit a wall every time. I then jumped into something else, often something I had abandoned before. I was going in circles.

I decided to put some things away. I gave up on acting. I sold my guitars and my recorder. I may play drums again, but only as a hobby. I still dabbled in Web Design, but was not for hire. I still did Graphic Design, but I did not seek new projects. I chose to focus on Screenwriting.

Then a cakewalk of a reception job landed in my lap. The day was mine to do as I pleased as long as I answered the infrequently ringing phone and attended to the rare guest. There was no more perfect job for an aspiring writer, but I could not maintain effort and, more and more, each day was squandered with mindless internet surfing. The office manager had, over time, given me small tasks, but I had problems following through. Then, without warning, I was fired. Her concerns were valid, but I resented not being given a chance to correct them. So, again, I had nothing to show and no where to go.

After the shock wore off, the void that is my life scared me. I soon had the idea to go back to college to earn a degree in Graphic Design, which I discovered a talent for when I first attended Bunker Hill. This idea didn’t come from the impulsivity of my ADD, as many others have. I have been drawing since I was very young, but rarely freehand. I was always more comfortable with a ruler in my other hand. I would draw new logos for my favorite bands, making sure the letters were evenly spaced. I would make a cassette inlay card for my some-day band, making sure each consecutive panel was smaller than the last to fold properly. In my senior year of high school, I took a computer aided drafting course and now designed on a computer. It wasn’t until Bunker Hill that I received praise from informed people.

Knowing that Graphic Design had strong career potential, I would research schools every couple years. Some approached the field from the business side, but the best ones were, first and foremost, art schools. I liked the New England School for Art and Design and Mass Art, both of which have connections to other schools to explore other areas of study.

That being said, I chose to return to Bunker Hill Community College because it is a quick, inexpensive way to a degree due to its low cost and its two-year Associate Degree. But I am concerned that the line between inexpensive and cheap has been blurred in the Graphic Design program’s use of a design application that has barely advanced in ten years, while others now dominate the industry. I don’t think it’s because of licensing issues. The application’s developer, Adobe, has a history of being education-friendly. It is possible that the older program serves as an introduction to the more complex applications later on. I am trying to contact the department head to learn the answer. If need be, I can learn the new applications on my own. I have always been good at that. It’s the theory behind the choices that I need to learn.

Bunker Hill is also a safe choice. As a returning student, there will be few surprises. I’m familiar with how the school works and I already know the layout. I’m finding many of the same personell, though some have changed offices. The MBTA buses and trains that I’ve taken for years let me off at the front door. The school is also close to my long-time home in Malden. There’s no learning how to live somewhere else while learning new skills.

Mostly, however, I’m coming back to erase the two wasted years at Bunker Hill a decade ago because I had no focus. I joined the Theatre program on a whim. In my second semester I began taking Graphic Design classes, while staying involved with Theatre, to the detriment of my other courses. I failed College Writing II, Intermediate Desktop Publishing, and Foundations of Music because my mind was stuck in the auditorium. I took Play Production four semesters in a row, paying for two of them, for no extra credit. In my final semester, I withdrew from two courses, failed one and got an A in another. The capper was my switch into the Music program, for what reason I don’t remember. At the time it was fun, but I wasn’t thinking about a degree. I wasn’t thinking about my future at all.

After high school, I made a couple attempts at formal education. I studied Drafting at the then recently co-ed Women’s Technical Institute, and there was the mess that was my first Bunker Hill attempt. I finished WTI with a 3.97 GPA, but the idea of a professional job terrified me. I had an irrational fear that one bad interview would prevent me from getting any others, so I only made a few phone calls and never went on an interview.

But I also did a fair amount of self learning. Through books and the internet, I taught myself Web Design and Screenwriting. Both of these were supplemented by eight-week classes at community education centers. A designed websites for a friend’s band and a local playwright (actually getting paid for the latter), but I left when I tired of how the two major internet browsers displayed the same code differently. But I have accomplished more regarding screenwriting than any other effort. I have written at least one absolutely dreadful, but complete, first draft of a screenplay. I also helped crew an independent film and traveled to Los Angeles to attend a Screenwriting conference.

As I now return to Bunker Hill with the goal to get a degree (of all the crazy things), I am looking forward to the Why of the Graphic Design theory courses. I have a talent for design, but I work too much by feel. I am unable to spend too much time planning. I have to jump in. I think this is part of my ADD. Design patience is a big part of what I hope to learn.

The few credits that transfer into the Graphic Design program gain me some freedom to explore Photography, Painting and other creative courses. I enjoy taking pictures, but I want to learn how to better capture what I see, such as low light situations. Painting, oil or watercolor, would be an exploration into the uncharted. I also may take a second drawing course beyond what’s required. I want to learn to do perspective drawings of subjects from my imagination.

To satisfy the science requirement, I very much want to take Astronomy, which my previous credits do not save me from, fortunately. I am a big fan of space science and exploration. It started in the early 90s when I became a Trekkie, but I have since become a member of the Planetary Society, the largest, private space interest group. I have been following the various robotic missions exploring the planets in our solar system and dream about life on extrasolar planets circling other stars. A major challenge for this class will be my hatred of all things math, but with help from a calculator and some formulas, I should get through it.

And although I’m now shooting for a Graphic Design degree, my mind is too full of story ideas to give up on screenwriting. I want to take some online Writing courses at either the Gotham Writer’s Workshop or the UCLA Extension school. There is also a summer program with the New York Film Academy in Hollywood, Los Angeles that I am interested in. That would also be a trial run at life in southern California. But only if focus allows.

As for what draws me to creative things; I have a fair amount of raw talent that allows me to try many things; from art, to sports, to performing, etc. I think I crave praise and where I find it, I stay. My focus problems keep me from success, but those talents again allow me to find something else to be good at.

But a degree is impossible if I do not get my focus problems properly diagnosed and treated. They tint/taint every memory I have. If it’s not ADD, I don’t know what it is. It is not just an inanimate obstacle, however daunting, that can be overcome with raw effort. It has arms to pull me down, teeth to tear me to pieces and a voice that it knows hurts me. It is alive.

But as savage as this monster is, it is not all bad. In fact, my daydreams are a major source of my creativity. My mind is forever dreaming up new scenarios. Often, it’s only after following one of these thoughts long enough do I realize that I have something worth developing. I fear that this well from which I draw might be lost with the medication side of treatment.

There is still another aspect to this increasingly complex thorn in my side. In spite of all the problems it causes, at times, it allows me to focus very intensely. As Edward M. Hallowell, M.D. and John J. Ratey, M.D., both of which have ADD, write in the preface of their book, Driven to Distraction, “The syndrome is not one of attention deficit but of attention inconsistency; most of us with ADD can in fact hyperfocus at times” (x). There are times when nothing exists outside of my current project. This is also what allows me to continually jump into new projects and do well in the beginning, while everything is new and stimulating.

And if that wasn’t enough, I also am an expert procrastinator. I can see how distractions can delay the start of a project, but I don’t understand how distractibility makes procrastination the problem that it is for me. As it is, I handed in a half-finished version of this paper because I didn’t get started until the day it was due.

There is something about deadlines that I find difficult to work with. I can’t feel them until they’re on top of me. When playing baseball as a kid, I remember being a better hitter after there were two strikes against me. Sleep is another. I can’t get my brain in gear until late in the evening and then stay up until early morning to finish. Then I sleep late and the struggle starts again. This cycle has already affected this College Writing II course.

But I have had some successes. The screenplay I wrote and, over the past year, I’ve lost 87 pounds with Weight Watchers and am 25 pounds from my goal. That is absolutely an accomplishment, but I can’t feel it emotionally. I’ve been close too many times only to fail. I don’t know when my attitude will change, but I believe it will be a choice.

As for my actual study habits, it’s been so long since I studied at someone else’s pace that they can’t be good. When I’m being creative I can have either music or a ballgame on in the background. But when I’m reading or learning something new, I need things to be quiet, although I have experimented with classical music. I also have trouble prioritizing, if my friends or a television program I’m interested in is calling.

My immediate goal, is to earn an Associates Degree in Graphic Design, making Dean’s List each semester. I will be signing up for the joint enrolment program with another Massachusetts school, but I will also apply at the art schools mentioned earlier. I would also love to take classes in England, as a base to explore Europe. I’ve also thought to continue my education in Southern California to see if I really want to live there. Doing Graphic Design for a film company would pay the bills, while building contacts for my budding Screenwriting career.

I’d like to win some kind of award where I would give a speech at some kind of reception. I don’t think I’ve ever written that statement before, but it’s such a common image in my daydreams that I can’t imagine it’s not a desire of mine. I have no idea what I’d say. I can’t remember the vision ever getting to the first, “Thank you.” It’s about everyone looking to me for what I’ve accomplished. Again, I think this is me craving praise.

I suppose my ultimate goal is to be successful working in film, music, or some other creative field, dreaming up screenplays and designs, supporting my parents with my talents. I’d like to be living in a sunny location like San Diego, sticking to a schedule of my own design.

But still, I fear that these goals, short term and long, will not be accomplished. That my ADD will eat away at my desire as it always has and I will again be stuck working at nothing jobs for nothing pay. I suppose the first thing to do is confirm the diagnosis and start treatment, but procrastination has delayed the start of that, too.

Works Cited

Hallowell, M.D., Edward M., and John J. Ratey, M.D. Driven to Distraction. New York: Touchstone, 1994.